So...

I went back in time.

There. I've said written it. I did the whole cowgirl thing - 'cept I didn't, 'cause of the whole women-still-in-bondage stuff.

Not that I mind that, but... Y'know. Not the fun kind of bondage.

Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Some little guy with a taste for hats tagged along, too. Called 'Whistler'.

And, um... Yeah. From the underworld and all.

Let's take stock, shall we? In the last few months, I've...

(A) Met a witch, minus broomstick.

(B) Managed to succumb to some kind of Voodoo whicky-whack with the same, trashing a very expensive hotel in the process and doing God-knows-what with anyone who worked in there.

(C) Met a vampire. Yes! A vampire, boys and girls! With the blood and the fangs and bats and all! Well, maybe not the bats. Gotta' ask.

(D) Made like a DeLorean. See above. Fate decided to have me dressed like a nun during that, by the way. Go figure.

(E) Discovered Star isn't returning my calls. Not returning anyone's, actually. Heard the police got called in and stuff. Yeesh... I liked her. Seriously. Dead? Maybe, which brings me onto...

(F) Witnessed the sight of my driver laying dead on the car, got attacked and almost raped by a gang of undead fangy things and discovered my condition's got a fucking 2.0 upgrade!!! Sweet baby Buddha! Hey, it kinda' saved my neck, but... Damn. Worried much? Uh-huh! What if I, like, get to my thirtieth and... You know. What if I've turned into some big ole' crab monster or something?

(G) Received about ninety-billion E-mails asking me if I want to enlarge my penis. Yeah, sure... Right. Enlarge someone else's, maybe...

So, all in all, kind of a hectic schedule, wouldn't you say? I know I would. Have. Whatever. Sort of makes me wonder if Mariah Carey had half of this stuff to think about.

I've got a cousin who's really big on all the conspiracy stuff. You say, "Nine eleven," and he'll say, "Al CIAda." You talk about the latest storm and he'll give you a whole run-down about 'weather modification technology' (at least I think that's what he calls it). You know the type.

Weirdly, I'm the one who thinks there's something to UFOs and he thinks it's all some type of big government thing based on Nazi spaceships flying out of the top of the Earth.

Bizarre, huh?

Sent me an E-mail a couple of days ago, all about how this airport thing was planned from the very beginning and how those two big blackouts were related to one another. I gotta' admit, it was kinda' weird, but you'd think some ultra-secretive group of doom'd be able to engineer something going bad once, without needing to test it, right? I dunno'... It's all sorta' foreign to me and I don't concern myself with it much.

What I do know is that it's been hellish, out here in Vegas and it was a whole bunch of human beings making life crappy for the rest of us. Reminded me a lot of that whole New Orleans thing, back in 2005, 'cept this got cleared up a whole lot sooner than that did.

Then again, out here in the desert, we don't exactly have to worry about flooding, do we?

It was almost funny, though - like a real-life survival movie, 'cause we had a few major league celebrities where I was singing at the time and y'know what? I even recognised one of 'em from this disaster movie I flipped on TV, just before going to sleep the previous night! Talk about flashbacks!

There was this part where we were in serious danger of getting caught up things and I was like, "Hey, what about when you..." And you know what? He wasn't even filming that day! It was his stunt double! And he never even watched the thing!

Gotta' do what you can when you need the money, I guess...

Anyway, that night had to be one of the most surreal in my life, I can tell ya'.

Phoned Purity, by the way. She sounded kinda' OK, all things considered. The place is damn messy, though. Who'd've thought tourists would get so pissed off? Still, they've only get themselves to blame, I suppose.

Me? I'm outta' here... Or at least to somewhere quieter, 'til all of this blows over. I've done what I can and, well, needless to say, I'm not electrician or whatever. Best thing I can do is get out of the way and steer clear until everything's put right.

Haven't seen Julian around for quite a while. Not that 'Witching' is my only bee-hive around here, but it's kinda' weird. Seemed to get all dark and withdrawn, a little while back. Then - swish! Gone like a fish...

Probably hiding away in his own private little office or something.

Maybe he got in trouble with the IRS? The place was meant to have got put up pretty fast, I know that much.

Anyways, far as I know, I'm still getting paid for what I do, so I'll keep doing it. I get exposure and all, so hey!

One thing's for sure, though. Things are getting just a little bit more relaxed with me, so it looks like I might have time to try and find somewhere more... You know... To my tastes - what with my special interests and all. 'Cause I definitely need to.

Met some guy in a bar the other day. 'Joseph'. Wasn't wearing a technicolour dream coat though and he don't look like he had that carpenter vibe about him, so I think my sinful self should be more or less safe.

More than I figured, actually - he's the monogamous type.

The monogamous type with a girlfriend.

Yeah, I know, la sigh... Not that I exactly need a full-on relationship right now, but the opportunity for more with that one would've been nice.

Speaking of, I'm in the mood for a drink tonight. Something with body to it.

'The Witching Hour'.

Interesting name for a club. Personally, I think it's more of a 'Darth Vader's Palace O' Lurve', what with the massively phallic glass and steel structure and all, but who am I to judge?

Anyways, gonna' get my raunch on down there tonight - and get paid for it, so it's all good. The guy who runs it's kind of younger than I thought he'd be. Especially with the religious-ish surname. Some very cute staff, mind, so here's looking forward to the after-show...